Zombies, Frustration, and Birthday Plans

Before I begin... I just want to say that I finally have my own XBox 360!!!!!!!!!!....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... with an added !!!!!!!!

Ah... there. Now I can continue.

My wonderful boyfriend bought me the XBox as an early birthday gift. He also went ahead and bought me Left4Dead2, a game I had been wanting to play since it first came out. Needless to say, I have been on it since I first opened the case. That is, when I am allowed to be on it. It sucks having to mute the volume at 3pm on a Saturday because someone decided she wanted to take a nap... *cough cough...Lisa*... it takes away the fun of the game and it kind of kills the point of the special zombies having their own theme song. It's hard to tell when they'll show up.

Apart from that ray of sunshine in my life, there is a dark cloud that just fills me with anger when I think of it. I become frustrated and moody and though I try to ignore it, it's hard to do so. I wont get into specifics, but it has to do with people not telling me things upfront and whispering behind my back like little rats. I hate that. I like honesty. Why beat around the bush?

My birthday is also coming up. I still have yet to decide what exactly it is that I want to do. I was thinking of dinner first, early on in the night for the younglings (people under 21) who wont be able to party later on. After, I would like for people to head on out to the Hardrock here in Hollywood for some fun and drinks. I'm just at a loss on where to go. I suppose I'll find out later in the week. I just dislike telling people to save the date one week before it happens. 2 weeks is preferable so that I can be assured that people are actually going.

..... hope it works out.

Appearances

I am convinced that all people tend to judge people upon appearances.

Quite a reality check. There goes another one.

For most of my life, up until this point of course, I was under the impression that appearances never really mattered most. I imagined that personality would always win in the end.

I was wrong of course.

No, I'm not talking about dating, nor am I speaking of the moment a guy at a bar/club decides he has met the woman of his dreams because she is wearing a revealing, little dress, has enormous breasts, and is more than willing to go to bed with him only to realize a week later that there is nothing in her brains but conceit and the idea of money.

No... I'm not talking about that.

What I mean is that people, even if they have known you for years, cloud their memory of your smarts, and humor, and knowledge about certain things and they tell you the most absurd lie and expect you to believe it.

Why do people do this?

Seeing as how I don't have an answer for this, I'll end the blog here.

The Perfect Spot... Imagined.. of course.

If it were possible, I would stop time. I would stop time and just go somewhere majestic. Somewhere with trees and soft grass, somewhere with wildflowers and a little pond close by. Somewhere that isn't too hot, and not humid at all, with a soft breeze rolling through just enough so that I can feel it cooling my skin. Some place that I can lay down and close my eyes and not have to worry about anyone interrupting me.

I look outside my apartment window and see buildings and houses. I hear cars and voices. Inside of my house, in the next room, my sister is watching television... some reality show about weddings.

I hear all of this around me and I wish I can escape into the peace and tranquility that I mentioned before. Life can be so stressful at times and though I try not to take it so seriously, it's hard not to. Between school, and work, and having a social life, I deal with people on a constant basis. I am grateful for all of these things of course, but there are times when I just want to be left alone. I want to relax somewhere and not have to worry about a billion and one things. I want to just clear my mind so that I can get one pleasing thought in. Just one. I want to be able to sit down and immerse myself into the novel that has been locked away in my imagination for so long.

It wants to come out, this I know. I find myself daydreaming about it when I'm not supposed to... i.e at school, or at work... and I'm usually interrupted by the yelling of one of my students, or the lectures my professors are giving.

I'm always torn by what I really want. I want to be a hermit at times but then again, I love the fact that I can hang with my boyfriend, or my family and friends whenever I can.

These days though, it seems as if locking myself away in some cottage in Europe is all I want. I want to do so many things but I never have the time to get around to them.

I guess I sound a bit selfish right now, but aren't we all selfish at some point or another? I think we need to be a little selfish at times or else we'll never be happy. We can't always cater to the needs of others, and worry about their happiness and comfort. Who's going to look after you?

Besides, you're all you've got in the end.

Finding Compassion

I work with children at an after-school care program. I have a group of about 22 children, ranging from the ages of 7-9 years.
The normally argue with each other about silly things... i.e, "Hey! I was sitting there first!", "Hey! That's my pencil!!!", "I want to kick the ball!". These arguments usually led to me lowering my expectations of their personalities and the fact that they could even probably have one thought in their brains that isn't selfish.

They proved me wrong today.

Kid don't normally listen to the news, or pick up a newspaper to read about the current events. They usually don't care about anything except for what's happening at home, or at school. In the wake of the terrible earthquake that hit Haiti, I decided I would fill my students in a bit about it.

I told them about Haiti, and how it is a very poor country. I told them where Haiti was located. I told them about the earthquake and what an earthquake was. I also told them the truth about what is happening down there. I told them about the people that had died, and the children that were suffering without food, or water. Children that are their age.

I asked them to close their eyes and to imagine living without proper electricity. Not having any video games, or even a notebook to write in. I asked them to imagine themselves going hungry for days because there is nothing to eat, and I asked them to imagine sleeping under a tree because there is not shelter anymore, due to the earthquake.

When they opened their eyes, the class fell silent. I told them that the children in Haiti that are their age, are suffering. Looking around, I noticed faces saddened by the news, and to my astonishment, a young girl, only 7 years old, was crying.

I asked her why she was crying and she told me it was because she felt sorry for the people in Haiti, and she wished that there was a way that she could help them. The compassion this little girl showed at such a young age brought tears to my eyes. I hugged her and told her that there was a way to help.

My class is now starting a drive to bring in food and other needs for the people of Haiti. I have never been soo proud of my class until today. Just knowing that they are open to helping others in need, people who are complete strangers, just fills me with soo much joy.

People

Whenever someone has done something to bother, annoy, or offend me, I usually turn to anger. If I don't tell them that they have annoyed me outright, I stage a battle of wits between that person in my head until I imagine myself as the victor, and the other person sorely humiliated. This normally makes me feel a lot better.

I think I need to start trying a new approach though. I'm going to not let people get the best of me. If they say something rude or offensive, I'm just going to ignore it.

I admit, this may be a difficult task for me because I can be very hot headed, and will insist on letting that person know that they have angered me... or, simply put, gotten the best of me. I realize how I shouldn't let anyone get to me in that way because it just gives their hateful intentions more of a purpose. It adds more fuel to their spiteful flames.

I can safely say that I will just learn to be the better person in every situation that the better person is, in fact, needed since not everyone knows the importance of having a "better person" in an argument. There always needs to be someone who can actually begin the "making up" process in any situation, and I intend on being that person.

"You embarrassed me in front of everyone, but it's OK. Let's try to find out why you did that.."

"I felt that you were instigating a problem between myself and so and so, but that's fine... I just want to know if you were instigating and if so, why?"

and so on...

Should be cake right?

I mean, I can always argue with the person in my imagination afterwards. I'll always win that way.

The Calm Before the Storm

Tomorrow is Monday which is the beginning of the work/school week for me. I start work again tomorrow, and my next semester of college starts again on Wednesday. Oh joy.

I'm glad that I am able to go back to school, but waking up early is going to be a killer. I took four classes last semester and I was barely able to sleep at all due to the studying, homework, and excessive WoW playing I was doing.

Yes... World of Warcraft was factored into that. I should not have played as much as I did but I was going through one of my 24/7 WoW phases. Luckily, the urge to play WoW has died down by a lot. Which is good because I'm taking another math class and math isn't really my best subject. I'm going to need all of the studying I can get when it comes to that class.

Other than the semester, work is starting up again for me. Those kids... drive me crazy. I would quit if I could and just focus on finishing school but doing that when I have a trip to New York coming up in June would be a dumb idea. So, I'll have to sit tight for now and hope I don't fry my brain with school and work.

Well, not much else to write for now... I'm going out for some Vietnamese with Mikee and his family. I'll write more when I get back.