The Silver Lining in a Reality Check

I just realized how long it's been since I have written a blog... because of this, I easily forgot how much of a release writing is for me. I feel all of my troubles melt away with the tapping of a few keys, and a few choice words to express my opinion. I'm glad I'm back to it now, the holiday season seemed to drain a lot out of me.

I had a reality check this month, not the first, and obviously not the last, but it was a reality check nonetheless.

I need to stop trying to give everyone 110% of myself because... and here's the reality check... no one really cares.

Shocker... huh?

/facepalm. I should have realized this a loooooonnnnggggg time ago, but instead, like all of life's lessons, I was only enlightened when it became too much to bear.

I wont go into details about how I came across this conclusion, but I will say that the realization has slowing been brewing in my mind for a few months now.

I do too much for people, and it's not like I expect a million dollars in return or a trophy in my name. All I ask is for a little appreciation.

I busted my a** this holiday season, and almost everyday before that for people who just rode it off as if I am a weakling that people can just take advantage of. Which, I regrettably admit, is true... well, WAS true. WAS. I do all that I can to make people happy and I enjoy their smiles and whatnot but sometimes, I feel that it's just not enough.

Call me selfish if you want, but I'm human, just like you, and as humans, we all need to take care of ourselves at times too because in the end, who else do you have but yourself?

Anyway, I realized that I care too much about what other people think, and I put their happiness and desires above mine. It sounds nice, but in reality, it isn't.

Why?

Half of the time, when you keep pushing your wants and your needs down, you tend to lose your sense of self... AND most of the people you are "helping" do not even appreciate it at all. They make an unspoken agreement with you which let's them take advantage of you without any cost. The more you agree to help those people, the more they look down on you, and the more they take you for granted and give their appreciation and attentions to those who have done nothing for them in the first place.

It's kind of pathetic.

Like I mentioned before, I am not looking for some kind of cash prize, or the key to the city. Imagine putting everybody's needs above your own all the time... then imagine them forgetting that you're even around... and imagine them pouring all their appreciation onto someone else who has done nothing for them in the first place whereas all you get is a simple nod. It's frustrating.

I'm changing my ways. I feel like I have footprints all over my body from the countless number of times people have stepped all over me and me, being Little Miss Sugary Sweet, let them.

What is the silver lining in all of this? Well, I will tell you. The silver lining in this is that I will become a happier person because of this. Happier person= better person.... stronger person. Kind of fearless in a way.

I've been afraid for too long, and it's time to change that.